Up there is a picture of Brooke delivering a heartfelt fuck you to my virtual friend and consummate blogger Tom of TomBeingTom. Now why would she say such a thing to a cool and unassuming guy like Tom? Because he nominated me for one of those blog award things wherein my prize is that I get to answer questions he devised via a new post on my page that is supposed to be entirely devoted to the analysis of Fifteen. In an effort to avoid raising Brooke’s ire any further, let’s get this oot of the way quickly, eh?
- Do you consider yourself a reasonable human being? Do you consider most other human beings to be reasonable?
What constitutes a reasonable human being is entirely subjective and the disparity of opinion as to who should be considered in possession of “sound judgment” renders the question itself unreasonable. That said, analyzing myself and others as objectively as possible, I must answer both questions with a resounding “no”. I see myself as unreasonable for some pretty significant reasons, most of which set me firmly to the ootside of my own species. Psychologists and biologists consider a sense of importance in all of the following things to be inherent to the animal known as Homo Sapiens, and yet, I seem to lack respect for every last one: 1) a belief in a personal god, afterlife, and human superiority/significance; 2) a desire to reproduce and pride in my ethnic heritage and family name; 3) patriotism; 4) competition; 5) money; 6) power; 7) fear of death and desire for eternal life; 8) social communication; 9) a sense of meaning and accomplishment; 10) deeming anything to be inherently joyous or tragic, right or wrong; 11) a belief in any sort of justice, whether it be legal or cosmic; 12) self-protection/survival at all costs. That’s right, folks, I have analyzed the meaning right oot of every last thing that others utilize to make themselves feel meaningful. In my view, we are nothing more than temporarily sentient galactic flotsam and jetsam, but don’t think for a second that this makes me sad or depressed. Frankly, it’s fucking awesome and enormously liberating to be free of the concerns and delusions of the “common man”. I do occasionally still experience bursts of narcissistic disgust at the stupidity and/or willful ignorance of others, the most recent occasion being this past Thursday, a day that most Americans apparently still call “Independence Day”. Independence from what or whom? There’s a fucking idiot dictator where the president used to be and there were literally tanks rolling through the streets of DC for his fucking Nuremburg Rally, yet people still think that this is just a temporary setback, as if American fascism wasn’t already a done deal. So be reasonable, for fuck’s sake, and at least cop to the obvious fact that your former democratic republic is no more, my fellow American idiots. Or am I just being unreasonable? Perhaps.
- If space aliens exist, and find us, do you presume they would be mostly malicious or benign?
Again, a very subjective question. I don’t consider sharks or tigers to be inherently malicious, nor do I consider puppies and kittens to be inherently benign. What I presume I’d probably think upon their arrival is, “Holy shit, that fucker with the orange hair and the crazy Greek name was right!”
- Who is your favorite comic book superhero?
Come on, man. Deadpool.
- If you could go back in time to your early teens, and you developed a mutant power, what do you suppose it would be?
I think I actually did develop a mutant power and I already described it in my first answer: the ability to be unmoved and unimpressed by virtually anything.
- As #4 above, except what would you HOPE it would be?
The ability to talk to animals.
- If you’re driving down the ocean in your jet ski, and the wheel falls off, does it still take the same amount of pancakes to cover a doghouse?
Wubba lubba dub dub!
- You’re on the Starship Enterprise . Are you wearing gold, blue, or red?
Orange. That’s what I get when Kirk throws me in the brig.
- What would you do with an extra $1000 a month in free money?
I could almost live on that, so I assume I’d quit the half-assed, uninspired job search I’ve been conducting for the past few months.
- Do you prefer beer that is crisp, cold, and good or hoppy, warm, and sucky?
Negra Modello, cold. That’s sort of both.
- When was the last time you got drunk on the deck alone listening to Bruce Springsteen?
Well, the last time I got drunk was quite a few years ago, but since I have a balcony and that’s sorta like a deck and I love Springsteen…it was probably at the recent end of quite a few years ago.
- Wasn’t there supposed to be 11 questions?
Dunno. “Supposed to” is another phrase that tends to aggravate me. “Supposed to” according to whom?