I’ve decided that I’m going to let my S.3, E.2 post (Rage Against The Machine) sit and marinate for a bit before moving on to episode 3. Why? Because Matt punched Jake in the fucking face, of course! I want to let that sufficiently sink in before exploring the inevitable falloot from such an earth-shattering turn of events. Besides, y’all seem to like these little bite-sized between-episode diversions more than my lovingly crafted episode summaries even though they are this page’s indisputable raison d’etre. So sit back and enjoy this medley of inconsequential odds and sods while you mentally prepare for Matt’s long-awaited alcoholic rock bottom.
Aboot That Punch
Take your index finger, hook it into the interior of one of your cheeks and pull – POP! I shit you not, that was the sound effect employed at the moment Matt’s fist connected with Jake’s face. The only way this could have been made more ridiculous is if the sound crew had instead opted for a full-on, Looney Toons-style “BOI-OI-OING!”
Take a look at the black and white Fifteen promo photo at the top of my last post (Friends of The Avalon). You’ll notice a watermark bearing the inscription “HISTORIC IMAGES”. Thus, Notes From The Avalon is far from the trivial, childish time-waster it’s sometimes accused of being. It is nothing less than an important and faithful documentation of HISTORY.
Family Guy has been on the air for 20 fucking years, making me fear that it will soon suffer the same fate of eternal mediocrity that befell The Simpsons. Regardless, I still occasionally catch moments of brilliance in some of the more recent episodes, though not nearly as many as there used to be. The content of this hilariously uncomfortable phone call made by Brian (in close proximity to an eavesdropping Stewie) is one of those moments:
Operator: Hello, Fundamental Industries, how can I help you?
Brian: Yeah, uh…is this…is this Bang Brothers?
Brian: Oh, okay. I – I’d like to cancel my subscription.
Operator: What’s your name?
Brian: Brian Griffin.
Operator: And what site did you belong to?
Brian: Uh, Captain Stabbin’.
Operator: And how are you spelling that?
Brian: Uh…um, Captain, full word, then Stabbin’, S-t-a-b-b-i-n-apostrophe.
Operator: Okay, I’m checking.
Brian: You know, instead of a G at the end.
Operator: I’m sorry, Sir, I’m not finding that site. What was the subject matter?
Brian: Um…uh…a guy doing chicks on a boat in, uh, a captain’s hat.
Operator: Okay, I’m checking.
Brian: The uh…the passengers had just signed up for a tour of the harbor and, um…and all that stuff happened.
Speaking of Porn
In the 1998 film “The Faculty”, Laura Harris (Ashley) appears in a full-frontal nude scene. I refuse to watch this. I know that she was an adult by the time this movie was released, but in my mind, she was, is and always will be fifteen years old. But if you’re interested, I’m sure it’s readily available for online viewing…pervert.
The Kids In The Hall were Canadian, too
Therefore, I can close this post with a classic ditty from Canadian surf-gods Shadowy Men On A Shadowy Planet withoot straying too far from the main theme of this page. Enjoy.