Miscellany (Feeding Your A.D.D.)

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I’ve decided that I’m going to let my S.3, E.2 post (Rage Against The Machine) sit and marinate for a bit before moving on to episode 3.  Why?  Because Matt punched Jake in the fucking face, of course!  I want to let that sufficiently sink in before exploring the inevitable falloot from such an earth-shattering turn of events.  Besides, y’all seem to like these little bite-sized between-episode diversions more than my lovingly crafted episode summaries even though they are this page’s indisputable raison d’etre.   So sit back and enjoy this medley of inconsequential odds and sods while you mentally prepare for Matt’s long-awaited alcoholic rock bottom.

Aboot That Punch

Take your index finger, hook it into the interior of one of your cheeks and pull – POP!  I shit you not, that was the sound effect employed at the moment Matt’s fist connected with Jake’s face.  The only way this could have been made more ridiculous is if the sound crew had instead opted for a full-on, Looney Toons-style “BOI-OI-OING!”

Making History

Take a look at the black and white Fifteen promo photo at the top of my last post (Friends of The Avalon).  You’ll notice a watermark bearing the inscription “HISTORIC IMAGES”.  Thus, Notes From The Avalon is far from the trivial, childish time-waster it’s sometimes accused of being.  It is nothing less than an important and faithful documentation of HISTORY.

Family Guy

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Family Guy has been on the air for 20 fucking years, making me fear that it will soon suffer the same fate of eternal mediocrity that befell The Simpsons.  Regardless, I still occasionally catch moments of brilliance in some of the more recent episodes, though not nearly as many as there used to be.  The content of this hilariously uncomfortable phone call made by Brian (in close proximity to an eavesdropping Stewie) is one of those moments:

Operator:  Hello, Fundamental Industries, how can I help you?

Brian:  Yeah, uh…is this…is this Bang Brothers?

Operator:  Yes.

Brian:  Oh, okay.  I – I’d like to cancel my subscription.

Operator:  What’s your name?

Brian:  Brian Griffin.

Operator:  And what site did you belong to?

Brian:  Uh, Captain Stabbin’.

Operator:  And how are you spelling that?

Brian:  Uh…um, Captain, full word, then Stabbin’, S-t-a-b-b-i-n-apostrophe.

Operator:  Okay, I’m checking.

Brian:  You know, instead of a G at the end.

Operator:  I’m sorry, Sir, I’m not finding that site.  What was the subject matter?

Brian:  Um…uh…a guy doing chicks on a boat in, uh, a captain’s hat.

Operator:  Okay, I’m checking.

Brian:  The uh…the passengers had just signed up for a tour of the harbor and, um…and all that stuff happened.

Speaking of Porn

In the 1998 film “The Faculty”, Laura Harris (Ashley) appears in a full-frontal nude scene.  I refuse to watch this.  I know that she was an adult by the time this movie was released, but in my mind, she was, is and always will be fifteen years old.  But if you’re interested, I’m sure it’s readily available for online viewing…pervert.

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The Kids In The Hall were Canadian, too

Therefore, I can close this post with a classic ditty from Canadian surf-gods Shadowy Men On A Shadowy Planet withoot straying too far from the main theme of this page.  Enjoy.

 

Six Hours On Facebook

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The Glorious Results of a Courageous Fifteen Info-Gathering Mission

Good Lord, how do you people do it?  For all of my apprehension of the world at large as an overcrowded hive of noisy automatons, viewing it through the lens of Facebook makes it seem so much worse.  Yesterday, I created a temporary FB page for two purposes: to inform more people of the existence of Notes From The Avalon, and to see what I might be able to find oot aboot what some of the cast members are up to in 2019.  I lasted for 6 hours before I had to delete the account in order to retain my tenuous grip on sanity.

As far as informing more people about my blog is concerned, I re-rediscovered that aside from my sister, nieces, brother-in-law, and one or two of my cooler cousins, I can no longer communicate with people from my extended and extensive Irish-Catholic family.  Cousins who were former dirt bags and Deadheads are now Trump supporters, Jesus freaks, and right-wing conspiracy theorists.  Blood may be thicker than water, but so is diarrhea.  Fuck ‘em all, the miserable pricks.  Old friends from New Jersey were all there in spades, too, of course, but as soon as they realized I was back on Facebook, I was inundated with instant messages from distant acquaintances that seem to still be fine people, I guess, but that doesn’t mean I give a flying fuck who they married, where they last went on vacation and whether the next generation of little monsters they created have mastered the art of taking a dump on the commode.  No, thanks.  Get back to me in 25 years or do something interesting before assaulting all of your friends with photographic proof that you eat, work and reproduce.

I was much more successful in gleaning some recent info aboot the Fifteen cast.  First of all, there IS an official Fifteen fan page that’s been active since 2011 and has just over 100 followers.  One of those followers is the lovely Robyn Ross (Brooke) whose inside access to the restricted personal pages of her former castmates makes her the only worthwhile contributor to the fan page.  I get the impression that she’s extremely cool and down to earth.  She posted a comment aboot running into Arseman Yohannes (seasons 2 – 4) in Brooklyn recently, but that was as much info as I could find aboot Arseman.  Robyn Ross is on the show Riverdale now and she looks like this:

robyn ross

Ryan Reynolds, of course, is untouchable, but Robyn did re-post this recent gem from his Twitter feed:

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And of course, we all know what Ryan looks like now:

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Todd Talbot (Matt) is the co-host of Love It Or List It Vancouver, so you can find plenty of videos of him talking aboot home buying and renovation in British Columbia.  He looks pretty much the same, but seems to have adopted the ridiculous habit of wearing bowties.  At least he seems to be having fun:

talbot

Laura Harris has a page that can be viewed but there’s no option of friend requesting her.  She looks great, but I can’t tell you whether she’s learned how to speak above a whisper.

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Enuka Okuma (Kelly) is also seemingly untouchable due to her starring role on Rookie Blue, which is a TV show, apparently.

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Chris “Corky” Martin (Dylan) still acts, but I’m not sure if he has any notoriety ootside of Canada.

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Aubrey Nealon (Olaf) is a writer, producer and director, but humble enough to have a public and accessible page.  He looks exactly the same, something I found oddly comforting.

Aubrey-Nealon-picture-

Ahnee Boyce (Cindy) still exists and seems to have aged well.

ahnee

Janine Cox (Dutch Boy) looks like this now:

janine cox

I couldn’t find diddly-squat aboot Ken Angel (Jake).

jake red

And that brings us to Sarah Douglas (Courtney).  For some fucking reason, she now goes by the name Sarah Nakatsuka although there was no photographic evidence that she’s married to a Japanese person.  I guess I can’t blame her for the possible alias, because if I were her, I’d be trying to put as much distance between myself and the horrible role I played as a teenager as humanly possible, too.  Check a look:

nakatsuka

So there you have it!  The hard-fought results of a brave six hour long experiment performed by your humble narrator.  I hope y’all appreciate the sacrifices I make for my art.  Stay tuned for the episode 8 synopsis coming soon!