Six Hours On Facebook

cast

The Glorious Results of a Courageous Fifteen Info-Gathering Mission

Good Lord, how do you people do it?  For all of my apprehension of the world at large as an overcrowded hive of noisy automatons, viewing it through the lens of Facebook makes it seem so much worse.  Yesterday, I created a temporary FB page for two purposes: to inform more people of the existence of Notes From The Avalon, and to see what I might be able to find oot aboot what some of the cast members are up to in 2019.  I lasted for 6 hours before I had to delete the account in order to retain my tenuous grip on sanity.

As far as informing more people about my blog is concerned, I re-rediscovered that aside from my sister, nieces, brother-in-law, and one or two of my cooler cousins, I can no longer communicate with people from my extended and extensive Irish-Catholic family.  Cousins who were former dirt bags and Deadheads are now Trump supporters, Jesus freaks, and right-wing conspiracy theorists.  Blood may be thicker than water, but so is diarrhea.  Fuck ‘em all, the miserable pricks.  Old friends from New Jersey were all there in spades, too, of course, but as soon as they realized I was back on Facebook, I was inundated with instant messages from distant acquaintances that seem to still be fine people, I guess, but that doesn’t mean I give a flying fuck who they married, where they last went on vacation and whether the next generation of little monsters they created have mastered the art of taking a dump on the commode.  No, thanks.  Get back to me in 25 years or do something interesting before assaulting all of your friends with photographic proof that you eat, work and reproduce.

I was much more successful in gleaning some recent info aboot the Fifteen cast.  First of all, there IS an official Fifteen fan page that’s been active since 2011 and has just over 100 followers.  One of those followers is the lovely Robyn Ross (Brooke) whose inside access to the restricted personal pages of her former castmates makes her the only worthwhile contributor to the fan page.  I get the impression that she’s extremely cool and down to earth.  She posted a comment aboot running into Arseman Yohannes (seasons 2 – 4) in Brooklyn recently, but that was as much info as I could find aboot Arseman.  Robyn Ross is on the show Riverdale now and she looks like this:

robyn ross

Ryan Reynolds, of course, is untouchable, but Robyn did re-post this recent gem from his Twitter feed:

funny-ryan-reynolds-tweets-fb__700-png

And of course, we all know what Ryan looks like now:

pikachu

Todd Talbot (Matt) is the co-host of Love It Or List It Vancouver, so you can find plenty of videos of him talking aboot home buying and renovation in British Columbia.  He looks pretty much the same, but seems to have adopted the ridiculous habit of wearing bowties.  At least he seems to be having fun:

talbot

Laura Harris has a page that can be viewed but there’s no option of friend requesting her.  She looks great, but I can’t tell you whether she’s learned how to speak above a whisper.

laura_harris_ii

Enuka Okuma (Kelly) is also seemingly untouchable due to her starring role on Rookie Blue, which is a TV show, apparently.

252px-Enuka_Okuma

Chris “Corky” Martin (Dylan) still acts, but I’m not sure if he has any notoriety ootside of Canada.

chris-william-martin-people-in-tv-photo-u1

Aubrey Nealon (Olaf) is a writer, producer and director, but humble enough to have a public and accessible page.  He looks exactly the same, something I found oddly comforting.

Aubrey-Nealon-picture-

Ahnee Boyce (Cindy) still exists and seems to have aged well.

ahnee

Janine Cox (Dutch Boy) looks like this now:

janine cox

I couldn’t find diddly-squat aboot Ken Angel (Jake).

jake red

And that brings us to Sarah Douglas (Courtney).  For some fucking reason, she now goes by the name Sarah Nakatsuka although there was no photographic evidence that she’s married to a Japanese person.  I guess I can’t blame her for the possible alias, because if I were her, I’d be trying to put as much distance between myself and the horrible role I played as a teenager as humanly possible, too.  Check a look:

nakatsuka

So there you have it!  The hard-fought results of a brave six hour long experiment performed by your humble narrator.  I hope y’all appreciate the sacrifices I make for my art.  Stay tuned for the episode 8 synopsis coming soon!

5 thoughts on “Six Hours On Facebook

  1. They all seem relatively well adjusted — for teen-pop-stars. Where’s all the drug addicts and sex-change recluses? Keep it up. I’m /sure/ you’re on to something here. In a a couple of months when you quit this crazy task, you can review, oh, iCarly maybe.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. On the surface, it would seem you did a very dangerous thing by suggesting I tackle iCarly next, because you KNOW I have the ability to do so. But here’s why that won’t happen: Fifteen is a horribly produced, terribly acted, train wreck of a children’s show and as such, lends itself to endless satire. iCarly is a good children’s show that was well produced and often genuinely funny, hence, not a good target for my sarcasm.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s