Season 2, Episode 6
In case you were curious, I don’t have a clue why Brooke was decked oot like a Nazi Schutzstaffel officer throughoot the last episode. If it’s really bothering you, skip the middle man and submit your question directly to the source: https://johntbinkley.com/
Ashley walks in on Dylan who seems to have finally perfected Alex Lifeson’s guitar riff (and here I thought it would take him until at least 2112 to do so) and tells him that he sounds good. She advises him that she’s doing lousy because she “finally had it oot with them last night”. Dylan’s new leather jacket crinkles audibly as he performs his signature nervous move of reaching over his shoulder to touch the back of his head, asking, “Your parents?”, as if there were anyone else to whom she could possibly be referring. She whispers a melodramatic account of the confrontation, the upshot of which is that she gets to stay at Hillside although her parents aren’t too happy aboot it. She tells Dylan that she doesn’t think she can handle going to school today, so he offers to let her hang oot at his garage. She thanks him and he tells her that he’ll stop by at lunch to see how she’s doing, which warms my heart because that’s exactly what I do for my dog and I love to see people treat their pets with kindness.
Arseman and Courtney enter the locker vestibule with their inane conversation already in progress. Shit Drapes is still belaboring her self-made dating dilemma so Sassy Afro tells her that the best course of action may be to “join a nunnery”. Courtney continues to feign concern aboot the fact that Matt used to be Ashley’s boyfriend, prompting Arseman to remind her that Ashley doesn’t even live here anymore and they broke up before she left. To her mild credit, Courtney also brings up the little matter of Jake and the letters they’ve been writing to each other, but Arseman brushes off this concern by mock-quoting overly romantic phrases as if those two dullards would ever deign to indulge in such sentimental prose. Finally, she tells Courtney that she just needs to ask herself whether or not she wants to go oot with Matt just as Drinky Crow himself appears from the stairs, prompting Arseman to make tracks so they can talk in private. Matt and Courtney capitalize on this opportunity by spending the next five minutes asking each other how it’s going before finally addressing the elephant in the room:
Courtney: Matt? Listen…aboot what you were saying, you know, aboot getting together some time? Well, I’ve been thinking – I mean, I’ve really been thinking, and what it comes down to, I mean, basically…
Matt: It’s okay. I mean, I know it’s kind of complicated, so—
Courtney: I’d love to go oot with you!
For someone who finally made her decision in favor of Matt, she sure as fuck sounds just like Jake in the comically clumsy expression thereof.
At The Avalon, Janice is sucking the fumes from the bottom of her empty glass with a straw as Brooke calls oot to her. With Who Farted tagging along at her side, she tries to get Janice to spill the deets aboot her private rendezvous with Dylan, but Janice just turns and walks away causing Brooke to surmise aloud that something must have gone “disastrously wrong”.
Tenacious as ever, Brooke and Who Farted are back at Hillside trying to shake the same info oot of Dylan, who tells them that “maybe I just wanted to talk to her aboot homework or something”, but Brooke seems unwilling to buy such a pedestrian explanation.
Tenacious as ever, Deadpool sees Amanda reading in the student lounge, takes a seat next to her and asks why she hasn’t stopped by the garage to hear the band yet, oblivious to the sneering contempt he receives by way of a reply. Oot of nowhere, he mentions that he won’t be around this weekend because he’s going on a hunting trip with his dad but he will be around on Friday night before Amanda interrupts and virtually vomits the question, “Are you asking me to go oot with you?”. Billy confirms that he is, so Amanda shakes her head in disgust and tells him that she’d rather go oot with people “a little more mature than you”.
Tenacious as ever, I am now at the halfway point of the episode that marks the halfway point of Fifteen’s second season. Slow and steady wins the race.
Back at The Avalon, Brooke continues to ponder the puzzling perplexity of why Dylan would ask Janice to come to his garage, causing Who Farted to wonder aloud if it’s even any of their business. Brooke begs her pardon before declaring that it is their business, based solely upon the fact that people are refusing to answer her questions. Finally, Brooke has a sudden epiphany that Dylan was, in fact, telling the truth aboot inviting Janice over to discuss homework, and that Janice seemed so upset earlier because she had “jumped to the wild conclusion that Dylan was actually interested in her!” That’s some first rate sleuthin’, Matlock.
Amanda passes by Janice’s locker and antagonistically asks, “So how’s Dylan?” as Brooke and Who Farted appear from around the corner. As Amanda listens in, Brooke tells Janice not to be so hard on Dylan because he has trouble in school and frequently needs people to help him with his homework. Janice runs off mortified, but Amanda is nothing short of ecstatic to hear of Dylan’s continued availability. Never one to leave well enough alone, Brooke tells her sister not to get her hopes up because Dylan doesn’t like her, either. As they start to walk off, Amanda faces Who Farted and sneers, “She’s my sister. I have to put up with her. What’s your excuse?”
Dylan arrives for his promised lunchtime check-up to find Ashley sitting in a lawn chair staring into space. She asks him the time and he answers, “quarter to one”, which leads me to conclude that she’s been hanging around his garage sitting and staring in absolute silence for nearly five hours. Dylan suggests that she should come to school, but Ashley protests, doubting that anyone will understand why she’s been home for three days withoot contacting them. He tells her that they’ll understand “because they’re your friends”, to which she replies, “i don’t know” before embarking on a sad soliloquy aboot how so much has changed in the past few weeks. Dylan tries to assuage her anxiety by reminding her that “they’re still the same people…and so are you,” but even this simple statement is met by an unnecessarily cryptic reply from the Sexy Sovereign of Susurration: “am i?” After a pointedly pointless silence, she finally acquiesces to return to school with Dylan.
Matt and Dave are getting changed in the boys’ locker room after a game of one on one. Matt tells his boring little friend that the coach is going to let him play in the next game and that he has a date with Courtney on Friday night, adding “Everything’s going too well all of a sudden. Things have to even oot somehow, so now I’m waiting to get hit by a bus!” Although his unsubstantiated even-Steven philosophy is patently ridiculous, it seems he’s on to something just the same. Just substitute the word “Ashley” for “bus” and presto – we have some impressive prognostication.
In the lounge, Courtney is mock-castigating Arseman for encouraging her to go on a date with Matt when Brooke’s bellowing voice rings oot from behind their table: “Ashley! What are you doing here?” They jump up and surround their wayward friend while Dylan protectively barks away Brooke’s attempts to antagonize her. Ashley is bombarded by questions from her confused classmates, but she’s saved by the bell spared the trouble of answering by the sound of the school bell signaling the start of class. As she hurries off, she runs into Matt who shouts her name in surprise. He turns to follow her, but Dylan grabs his arm and growls, “Just give her some space!” before Arseman steps between them to stave off a fist fight. Brooke yells, “Dylan, what is going on?!” but he just shakes his head and replies, “Can’t you figure it oot?”
In the girls’ locker room, Janice is packing clothes into a duffle bag when Arseman walks behind her and says hi. She notices that Janice is nearly in tears, so she takes a seat on the bench next to her and asks if she’s okay.
Janice: I thought I was. At least I used to think so.
Arseman: What’s the problem?
Janice: You tell me. What is it that I’m doing, anyway? I mean, what am I doing wrong?
Arseman: Who says you’re doing anything wrong?
Janice: Then how come everybody hates me?
Arseman: Come on.
Janice: It’s true! Nobody even wants to talk to me!
Arseman: I’m talking to you right now.
Janice: You know exactly what I mean! People treat me like I’m some sort of virus! That never happened at my old school. I had lots of friends. So what’s going on?
Arseman guesses that maybe she’s just coming on a little too strong and that people would like her more if she gave them some space, but Janice counters that they’ve all ensured themselves plenty of space from her, “acres of it”. She gets up and walks oot of the locker room, telling Arseman “I don’t even care anymore”.
For some stupid fucking reason, the next scene opens on Erin and Leah discussing Ashley’s mysterious return to Hillside. For a much more obvious reason, I am choosing to close this paragraph after only two sentences.
Courtney and Arseman skip down the stairs and ask Dylan if he’s seen Ashley. He tells them that she probably left, so they start to grill him aboot what’s going on. Dylan replies, “Well, she’s here and she’s not going back to private school,” eliciting this face from the ever-emotive Arseman:
Realizing that his inquisitors won’t let him off that easily, he tells them that she had it oot with her parents last night, but stuck to her guns aboot not going back to private school. Courtney asks when she got back and Dylan’s reply of “two or three days ago” doesn’t sit too well with Ashley’s (former) bestie. Arseman asks her if she’s still planning to go oot with Matt now that Ashley’s back and Courtney responds by heaving a sigh and walking away.
At the Morgan mansion, Brooke is treating Who Farted to an overjoyed synopsis of the deliciously stunning day through which they just lived: “What a day! I mean, what an amazing day!! First Janice, and then Ashley! Slinking back home after getting kicked oot of private school!” Who Farted points oot the arbitrary nature of Brooke’s declaration and deems it unlikely that Ashley got kicked oot of school. Brooke reacts by trashing Ashley incessantly until Who Farted musters some uncharacteristic courage:
WF: Brooke, can I say something? Sometimes…I mean, every once in a while, couldn’t you sort of be a little bit nicer?
Brooke: I beg your pardon?
WF: I mean, Ashley’s probably having a really hard time right now, so—
Brooke: Are you saying I’m not nice?
WF: Well, you sometimes say things—
Brooke: I speak my mind! Absolutely! I’m a very honest person. Is there something wrong with that?
WF: That’s not what I meant.
Brooke: THEN WHAT DID YOU MEAN?!
Brooke: Stacy, sometimes I think you have an attitude problem!
Matt enters The Avalon, approaches the booth where Courtney’s sitting by herself and tells her he’s been looking for her. He asks her if she knew that Ashley was back and reacts to her negative reply with shock that her ostensible best friend didn’t even call her. In response to Courtney countering with the same question, Matt pulls a familiar phrase from his obvious assfull of precisely worded familiar phrases: “I’m probably just aboot the last person she’d call.” He then changes the subject with a smile and tells Headband that it’s really good to see her. To absolutely no one’s surprise but Matt’s, Shit Drapes uses this as her opening to break their Friday night date and any potential future dates because, “I just can’t. It’s too complicated.” She gets up and flees the café revealing Dave lurking from the pinball room.
Dave: So, uh…how’s it going?
Matt: Fine. Perfect, even. It’s all turning oot just the way things are supposed to turn oot. I mean, remember that bus I was telling you aboot? Well, it’s arrived…right on schedule. Typical, huh? Just typical. Just when everything seems to be coming together, it all falls apart!
That’s called entropy, Matt. I used to have a blog that was all aboot it.