Season 4, Episodes 1 – 26
Even though very few readers of Notes From The Avalon have any recollection whatsoever of Fifteen’s existence, it must have gotten fairly good ratings for the first three seasons. I can’t think of any other reason why Nickelodeon would have made the decision to shell oot a bunch more cash in order to double the size of the cast and the number of episodes for the show’s final season. Know what they got for all that cash? A steaming pile of dog shit. Now, you may be wondering how I can differentiate between good and bad when we’re talking aboot the most poorly produced and abysmally acted TV show of all time, but there are two distinct types of “bad” when it comes to productions of this nature: the type that lends itself to endless mockery and which we end up finding hopelessly endearing for this very reason, and the type that’s so bad that it doesn’t even deserve to be mocked. Fifteen’s unfortunate fourth season is of the latter variety. Even though over 5 years elapsed between the final episode of Fifteen and the premiere of Two Guys, A Girl and A Pizza Place, it still boggles the mind that Ryan Reynolds managed to eke oot such a successful Hollywood career after having had such a ubiquitous presence in the 26-episode mess to which this post is dedicated.
As you know, Brooke is no longer in the show and neither is Courtney. At least they went to the trouble of writing Brooke oot of the script properly. For Headband, they use the exact same lazy explanation that was employed for Theresa’s sudden disappearance at the start of Season 2: “she’s off at that school for the arts”. I don’t have a clue what the fuck happened to Jake and Erin.
Let’s take a quick look at the horrible new Season 4 characters who, taken collectively, form the primary reason that I cannot re-watch these 26 god-awful episodes for individual analysis. First, there’s Pepper, Dave’s repulsive little sister. This rubber-faced, ginger-haired parasite serves no discernible purpose, but she gets more screen time than almost anyone else even though the only plot revolving around her is an ultimately successful bid to get on the boys’ soccer team. I used to wonder how she achieved such an undeserved starring role until I found oot that the actress’ full name is Pepper Binkley. Coincidence? Next, there’s Jennifer, an obvious but woefully inadequate Brooke replacement. Sure, she’s kind of a manipulative bitch, but she manages to be completely unentertaining in the process and the actress playing her possesses none of Robyn Ross’ unearthly emotive qualities. She has a brainy little brother named Jason who doesn’t piss me off nearly as much as the rest of the incoming cast, but he’s never involved in anything exciting. Micah is a kid on Pepper’s soccer team. Liz is… Liz. Characters don’t come more nondescript than this top-heavy anthropomorphic Valium pill. Loyal, who is introduced in the last few episodes of the series, is Billy’s new stepbrother. I’ll put as much effort into my critique of this character as the writers employed in the process of crafting him: he sucks. Russ is the only new addition to the Hillside student body that doesn’t piss me off. He was the nameless accordion player in round 2 of last season’s talent contest and even though he usually kicks around with the boring new characters I’ve already mentioned, I can tell that he would have fit in nicely had he been introduced sooner in the series and he also plays a pivotal role in the curious transformation of Chris towards the end of the season. Finally, there’s Brittany, a new arrival whose alleged sexiness I personally find to be very overstated. Regardless, all the guys at Hillside go absolutely ga-ga over this vapid, self-absorbed American dick tease, especially Deadpool who makes a first-class ass of himself in the desperate pursuit of her affections.
Now the good stuff. I’ll dedicate the rest of this post to a character-by-character summary of the Season 4 story arcs for each of Hillside’s veteran students – Dylan, Matt, Ashley, Billy, Arseman, Roxanne, Chris, Dave and Who Farted.
Dylan
For the first few episodes, everyone’s favorite dropoot just sort of treads water in his self-imposed exile. Occasionally, Arseman drops by the garage to offer moral support and seek comfort after the death of her grandmother, leading to an inevitable and ill-advised romance between Leather Jacket and Sassy Pants. Eventually, Dylan lands a job at the 3-table café attached to the only clothing store in the mall that these little shits ever patronize. His uniform consists of an apron over a humbling bright pink shirt, but the worst part of all this is his frequent utterance of the word café, which for some reason, Corky Martin pronounces “c’fé”. Near the middle of the season, Dylan’s parents kick him oot, rendering him homeless. After spending a night sleeping in the park, Matt rallies to his aid and lets him move in and sleep on a couch in his basement. So now Hillside’s former mortal enemies have become roommates, something aboot which they both marvel aloud with such frequency that I honestly believe there is no limit to their oot-sized incredulity. While living on Matt’s couch and ostensibly dating Arseman, Dylan starts getting so cozy with Ashley – often right in front of Matt’s face – that I often expect them to just undress and start boinking right in his basement. Understandably (and far later than you’d expect), both Matt and Arseman reach the ends of their respective ropes aboot the shameless public treachery of their significant others. Arseman is so hurt at the sight of seeing her best friend and her boyfriend feeling each other up that she buggers off to Mexico and sits oot the last 5 episodes of the season. Matt, however, after briefly venting his justified ootrage at this turn of events, decides to forgive everyone involved and suffer in silent martyrdom, even continuing to let Dylan crash in his basement. Dylan, of course, starts dating Ashley and with her encouragement, enrolls in an “alternative school” to complete the remaining credits needed for his high school diploma. At one point, he punches the cool right oot of Chris at the mall café, but I’ll save the details of that plot for Chris’ overview. Finally, towards the tail end of the series, while still dating Ashley, Billy drops by the café and sees him hanging around with some hot chick he met at the alternative school. The series ends before we get the full story here, but the clear implication is that Dylan the Scamp is incapable of romantic fidelity.
Matt
St. Matthew of Hillside High. The writers take such pains to turn Matt into the quintessential “stand-up guy” that he nearly morphs into Dostoyevsky’s Idiot. For the first half of the season, he and Ashley are so in love that it seems nothing could possibly come between them. Then all the betrayal ootlined in the previous paragraph goes down, but our former eternally hassled drunk develops the ability to meet all adversity with Zen-like acceptance. Towards the end of the season, Matt finds oot that his father is being transferred, so the entire family will be moving clear across the country in the very near future. In the meantime, he continues to let Dylan crash on his sofa and molest his ex-girlfriend in plain sight. For his selfless actions throughoot the season, Dylan has a trophy made to memorialize Matt as an ootstanding role model or some shit, to be permanently displayed in Hillside’s trophy case.
Ashley
I guess I kind of already covered Ashley’s story in the process of talking aboot Dylan and Matt, so I’ll simply add that my only regret at the conclusion of the series is the fact that we never get to see her reaction to Dylan’s infidelity. For some reason, though Ashley is still mentioned often, Laura Harris fails to appear in the last five episodes of the series.
Billy
Jesus, Ryan. How in the fuck did you manage to fight your way through the painfully ridiculous plots Ian Weir relentlessly threw at you in this season? To be as succinct as possible, since Billy’s bullying phase has come to an end, he now has plenty of time to dedicate to the development and fine-tuning of the qualities and skills required of a shameless whore. Deadpool works his way, respectively, through Who Farted (this is mercifully brief, but no less unforgivable for being so), Roxanne and Brittany. Believe it or not, it’s actually Billy that shit-cans Roxanne when his libido decides that newcomer Brittany is far more worthy of his attention. Brittany’s effect on Deadpool is to turn him into a blithering idiot of transcontinental proportions. Since she seems to have a thing for jocks, he joins the football team in an effort to impress her. Then he scores tickets to a Salt ‘N Pepa concert, neglects to invite Roxanne who he’s still ostensibly dating in the hopes that he can woo Brittany with an invitation, and ultimately has the whole thing blow up in his face, leaving him through a convoluted series of events to end up taking Jennifer’s geeky little brother Jason to the show. I am 100% convinced that Ryan Reynolds was giving a sly nod to his largely unknown participation in Fifteen when he made “Shoop” by Salt N’ Pepa such a centerpiece of the first Deadpool film. Oh, and then for a few episodes towards the end of the season, Billy also has to pretend that his stepbrother Loyal is anything but an unnecessary leap on water skis over a caged Great White.
Arseman
Her grandmother dies and the writers spend at least the first half a dozen episodes of the season trying to make us care aboot the demise of an unseen character who’d never even been mentioned before she fucking croaked. Regardless, her habit of commiserating with Dylan over the loss leads to an unplanned kiss that leads to a relationship marked by betrayal and neglect. As I already said, Arseman’s reaction to Dylan publicly cavorting with Ashley is to take a trip to Mexico with her family (sans Grandma) and sit oot the last 5 episodes.
Roxanne
Roxanne mellows a bit this season, even treating Who Farted like a friend as opposed to the gnat-like annoyance she is. Early on, she counsels Who Farted to change her look, prompting her new tagalong to show up at Hillside dressed in black leather and chains, inspiring the justified mockery of her peers. At the onset, she’s still dating Chris, but when the already precarious couple gets their turn to perform a concert at The Avalon, it’s such an utter disaster that Roxanne breaks up with her perpetually antagonistic boyfriend right on stage in front of the entire student body. Shortly thereafter, she starts dating Billy until he fucks her over in favor of new arrival Brittany. Towards the end of the season, a short-lived plot develops wherein Roxanne hesitantly admits that her father hit her – once – and then apologized for it immediately thereafter. This hardly rises to the level of high drama, but they treat it with all the implied intensity of an After School Special. Finally, when she sees Chris develop a new compassionate streak in his budding friendship with leukemia-stricken Russ, she agrees to explore the possibilities of romantically reuniting with him, but only after they take some time to get to know each other better.
Chris
After being publicly kicked to the curb by Roxanne, Hillside’s resident dirt bag just sort of drifts along being a pain in everyone’s ass until he decides to show up at the mall café and provoke Dylan into a fight. Averse to jeopardizing his job, Dylan suggests that they meet up behind The Avalon the following day to duke it oot. When Chris and a crowd of gawkers arrive at The Avalon to find that Dylan failed to show up, they head to the mall to confront him. After several attempts to defuse the situation, Dylan finally knocks the swagger right oot of him with a single punch to the gut. Chris is never the same after this public humiliation. Shortly thereafter, he scrapes past Russ in The Avalon and is confused to see that such a slight bump causes Russ some pretty severe distress. After several episodes of Russ going to doctors and getting tested, he finally divulges to Chris that he has leukemia. From this point on, Chris starts wearing Matt-style polo shirts and showing up at Russ’ house to drop off homework and offer oddly antagonistic-sounding moral support to his new little terminally ill friend.
Dave
Believe it or not, Dave actually manages to adopt several more shades of boring for the fourth and final season. He essentially spends all 26 episodes getting repeatedly fucked over by Who Farted while simultaneously realizing that there’s not a chance in hell that he’ll ever win the affections of someone better. Also, since the hideous Pepper is his little sister, her frequent presence at his side transforms David O’Brien from inconsequential to utterly unwatchable.
Who Farted
I saved the worst for last. As bad as she’s been all along, in Season 4, Who Farted takes intolerable to a whole new level. She starts pseudo-dating Dave, then accepts Deadpool’s invitation to a party being thrown in Matt’s basement and claims that she had every right to do so since Dave never bothered to “officially” invite her. Whenever someone, especially Dave, dares to call her oot on her general shittiness and self-absorption, she reacts by confronting the individual with that ever-increasing motorized groan that prefaces her every word and in the snottiest of tones, sneering shit like, “I suppose you’re all mad at me now!” as if this somehow turns the tables and exonerates her for being a hideous douche canoe. Fuck you, Who Farted. Just fuck you.
Thus ends the greatest television show ever to grace a box of tubular cathode rays. On behalf of the entire Hillside student body and your humble narrator, thanks for watching.
Notes From The Avalon 
Is that not so “JOY”! You are Mad @ ME?????
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Ha! Good comparison — I hadn’t thought of that.
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I actually think I heard a fanfare at the closing sentence. And, if I’m not mistaken, fireworks exploding in the skies above.
I consider your obligation fulfilled. The $1000 is forthcoming. Recall that said funds are to be extracted from proceeds produced by the sale of my novels. So, as soon as you begin helping in their promotion, the sooner you’ll get paid. And now that you have literally hours of free time…
Uh, that last thought left a sickening hole in my stomach. I sure as hell hope you don’t dream up some other self-flagulation endeavor to burn your exquisite satirical skills upon. Lofty, think lofty and whimsically fanciful.
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No, no. No cash necessary. I don’t need cash to promote your kick-ass fiction, either. I don’t know about “lofty” but whatever my next venture will be, I highly doubt it will be subject-specific like this one. Such a niche topic kind of ensures that you can only write about it when you’re really in the mood for it — I’ll probably go back to more of a grab-bag upon whose virtual space I can write no matter what my current mood or interests are.
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I’d enjoy more fiction along the lines of Ningun Santuario
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What happened to Aryan Nation? Did I miss something? And thanks for the Salt-N-Pepa explanation–it makes total sense that he would go back to his roots now that he’s such a success and doesn’t have to give a sh*t! Now do Starlost!
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Nope, you didn’t miss a thing. The almost-fight at the dance is the last we ever see of them. Curiously, though, if you look at the final photo in the last season 3 post where everyone is dancing with Matt and Ashley in the middle, you’ll notice that Chris and Roxanne are dancing. So I guess they left the dance, somehow ditched Farm Film Report and then came back to have a slow dance? I would love to do Starlost. In fact, I want to do Starlost. My only small hesitation is the fact that if I start up another blog dedicated to cheesy TV, Anonymole might take a trip to Albuquerque and beat me about the head with my laptop. I will chew on this decision over the weekend!
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Anony is a tough crowd😁
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Thank you for doing this. It’s been fun reading the recaps while feeling nostalgic. It’s been a long time, but if memory serves Billy mentions both Jake and Courtney in first episode of the last season. I think he says something about Jake transferring schools to be with Courtney. I don’t remember it being an arts school but rather something involving advanced placement. You know like a school for the gifted. Like I said, it’s been more years than I care to admit since I’ve seen the last season.
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Thanks for reading! You’re one of the few who remembers this show and as such, this whole endeavor was for you and others like us, who noticed that there was precious little info aboot Fifteen online. And I think you’re right aboot Billy’s explanation regarding Jake and Courtney. For seasons 1 – 3, I watched the entire episodes in increments and wrote the posts as I went along. But I just didn’t have the same enthusiasm for Season 4 so I just went on memory for this post.
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I remember being surprised with Brooke and Courtney being written out. Despite all the cast upheavals, I thought those two would stay for the entire run. I don’t remember a lot about Season 4, but didn’t Stacey (along with Jennifer) take Brooke’s place as the witch of the school? Ian Weir should give aspiring writers hope. Frankly, any of us who write with character development and consistency are miles ahead of Weir.
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I think the problem with the new characters introduced in Season 4 was, as I believe you stated, they were non-descript and didn’t exist for their own purposes (from what I recall). Russ was the only one who contributed to the overall story and his leukemia brought out a more human side of Chris. Jennifer was “The New Brooke” but lacked everything Robyn Ross had and aligned with Stacey (ickkk). Jason was merely the opposite of Jennifer, Liz became a new friend of Arseman’s, and Micah was just the other token black character. The only thing I remember about Micah was him hanging out with Russ and Pepper a lot; aside from getting upset with Pepper over something involving soccer. Brittany was the stereotypical girl who thought she was pretty enough to get guys to do her biding. It was painful to watch Billy chase after her, making an ass out of himself. I don’t even remember what Loyal looked like. With a name like that, and the actor’s last name being a bit Russian or Eastern European, I thought maybe he’d be like Olaf. You know the awkward foreign student?
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Your knowledge of Fifteen makes you the King of All Avalon Commenters! And Olaf was among my favorite characters of all.
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Thanks. I liked Olaf too. Apparently some of the cast changes had to do with a few of the actors being unable or perhaps unwilling to relocate when the studio(s) moved. What’s funny is, after season 1 most of the characters that were dropped (with no explanation) were either not important to the overall story, or the reason could have been implied. I don’t remember an explanation being given for Amanda. Was she expelled? John’s only purpose was to be the victim in Billy’s bully phase and Lea was just the first friend Erin made. After that, they really had no purpose-even Erin who appeared in a couple season 3 episodes just to support everyone’s fears about Matt’s drinking. You made me recall something from season 4 when you mentioned Jennifer and Jason. I believe their house was actually Brooke, Teresa, and Amanda’s with Jennifer having Brooke’s room. It was like she hired Rainbow Brite to paint and decorate.
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Hey. So how’s it going? That good huh? …….. Listen, I know we don’t know each other very well. Actually, we don’t know each other at all. Well, I guess. What I’m trying to say is………….thank you. It was really lousy being a guy who watched most of Fifteen when it aired, but only just saw all of Season 4. I felt like a total jerk when I couldn’t talk to anyone about it. Just when everything felt like it was going so well, it all just had to fall apart. Am I missing something here? Is there something going on between Fifteen and Internet? No! Well than why did it take so long to get all 4 seasons on pr1m3 v1d30, and why can’t I buy it so my great grandchildren can experience this hurt just like I had to, even if future licensing rights change. Anyway, I don’t mean to interupt your chocolate milk we pretend is a milkshake, but I just thought it was really decent of you to write this blog. So thanks.
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So glad you get it, my friend! I recently watched a documentary on the history of Nickelodeon. Not a single word was mentioned about Fifteen. I think it’s time for me to start harassing Ryan Reynolds.
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Thirtysomething years ago I was channel surfing and landed on an episode of Fifteen. “WTF is this?” was my reaction. It didn’t seem like a Nickelodeon show, was absolutely horrible, and yet was also strangely addicting. I just watched the whole run. Wow. First of all, I had no idea there was a fourth season. I thought season three ended strangely and that there must be more to come, but as far as I could tell, there wasn’t. This was all pre-Internet and websites for everything so there was no easy way to find out anything more about this. Of course, season four didn’t end any better, and while I was hoping there’d be some resolution, when they were introducing new plot threads in the last couple of episodes I realized with horror that this was going to be an unexpected cancellation and I’d get no closure. Or else it was an expected cancellation, and the writers simply didn’t care.
No one I know has ever even heard of this show. Anyone I’ve mentioned it to, I tell them that there seem to be two prevailing opinions of it. One is that the show is so terrible that no one should watch it. The other is that it’s so terrible that you really need to watch it.
Just a few thoughts. All of the season to season cast turnover was distracting, especially since they made a point of telling us that each new season was happening almost immediately after the previous one. It might’ve been more believable if these were different school years, but if they’d gone that route I guess they couldn’t keep claiming that the core characters were still 15. How many 15-year-olds were even left at the end, though? That school made it seem like every other Tuesday half the class transferred out and a bunch of new students also transferred in. Brooke leaving was very surprising and, when she announced she was going to France for a year, I was sure it was just a ploy to get attention. It looked like she was finally at the point that she’d decided maybe being a bitch isn’t the best way to go, and I guess that was more character development than they could tolerate so she had to go. In the early days of Stacy I think the writers were trying to make her likeable, or, at least, not looking to make her totally hated. At some point they must’ve figured out she’s just about the most unlikeable person on the show and went with it. Ashley’s sudden disappearance at the end was bizarre. I thought maybe Laura Harris was unavailable because she had another project but it doesn’t look like that was the case. Maybe Dylan killed her. It seemed like no one else had seen her and he always gave those vague, noncommittal answers whenever anyone asked for her. She never seemed terribly stable so maybe she snapped when she found out he was cheating on her and he wound up killing her. I felt bad for Courtney. They teased a relationship with Dylan, which went nowhere. Then she hooked up with Jake, but only while he was in another country, and after he got back they friendzoned each other. She went for Matt both before and after Jake, and wound up shooting it down both times. Then she was gone. I guess there was no one left for her to blow it with. No idea what they were doing with Brittany. Every so often they’d try to convince us she had at least a little depth, but then immediately undid it in the next scene. I found it more believable that all the guys were throwing themselves at her than at Stacy, who was a very bizarre choice to be presented as a femme fatale. Poor Matt. That last scene with him all alone at the Avalon pretty much says it all about him. Having so much of that last season taking place at a clothing store at the mall, which seemed to consist only of that one store and the “cafe,” was another bizarre decision.
I do love that Deadpool is in this. He needs to put together a reunion movie. Okay, I’m sure that will never happen, but he seems to have enough of a sense of humor that I guess it’s not impossible.
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Thirtysomething years ago I was channel surfing and landed on an episode of Fifteen. “WTF is this?” was my reaction. It didn’t seem like a Nickelodeon show, was absolutely horrible, and yet was also strangely addicting. I just watched the whole run. Wow. First of all, I had no idea there was a fourth season. I thought season three ended strangely and that there must be more to come, but as far as I could tell, there wasn’t. This was all pre-Internet and websites for everything so there was no easy way to find out anything more about this. Of course, season four didn’t end any better, and while I was hoping there’d be some resolution, when they were introducing new plot threads in the last couple of episodes I realized with horror that this was going to be an unexpected cancellation and I’d get no closure. Or else it was an expected cancellation, and the writers simply didn’t care.
No one I know has ever even heard of this show. Anyone I’ve mentioned it to, I tell them that there seem to be two prevailing opinions of it. One is that the show is so terrible that no one should watch it. The other is that it’s so terrible that you really need to watch it.
Just a few thoughts. All of the season to season cast turnover was distracting, especially since they made a point of telling us that each new season was happening almost immediately after the previous one. It might’ve been more believable if these were different school years, but if they’d gone that route I guess they couldn’t keep claiming that the core characters were still 15. How many 15-year-olds were even left at the end, though? That school made it seem like every other Tuesday half the class transferred out and a bunch of new students also transferred in. Brooke leaving was very surprising and, when she announced she was going to France for a year, I was sure it was just a ploy to get attention. It looked like she was finally at the point that she’d decided maybe being a bitch isn’t the best way to go, and I guess that was more character development than they could tolerate so she had to go. In the early days of Stacy I think the writers were trying to make her likeable, or, at least, not looking to make her totally hated. At some point they must’ve figured out she’s just about the most unlikeable person on the show and went with it. Ashley’s sudden disappearance at the end was bizarre. I thought maybe Laura Harris was unavailable because she had another project but it doesn’t look like that was the case. Maybe Dylan killed her. It seemed like no one else had seen her and he always gave those vague, noncommittal answers whenever anyone asked for her. She never seemed terribly stable so maybe she snapped when she found out he was cheating on her and he wound up killing her. I felt bad for Courtney. They teased a relationship with Dylan, which went nowhere. Then she hooked up with Jake, but only while he was in another country, and after he got back they friendzoned each other. She went for Matt both before and after Jake, and wound up shooting it down both times. Then she was gone. I guess there was no one left for her to blow it with. No idea what they were doing with Brittany. Every so often they’d try to convince us she had at least a little depth, but then immediately undid it in the next scene. I found it more believable that all the guys were throwing themselves at her than at Stacy, who was a very bizarre choice to be presented as a femme fatale. Poor Matt. That last scene with him all alone at the Avalon pretty much says it all about him. Having so much of that last season taking place at a clothing store at the mall, which seemed to consist only of that one store and the “cafe,” was another bizarre decision.
I do love that Deadpool is in this. He needs to put together a reunion movie. Okay, I’m sure that will never happen, but he seems to have enough of a sense of humor that I guess it’s not impossible.
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Fond memories of this show, in all it’s horribleness. I quietly binged all 65 episodes back in 2009 with a buddy who actually remembered watching it back in 1991-93 as I did. Of the many hilarious takeaways, one of the things that stuck out the most is that foreboding, 3-step “horror” sound that you hear at the tail end of any scene where there’s even a hint at something confrontational going on, like an overly suspenseful cliffhanger, and it seemed to get more frequent and nonchalantly placed as the show went on. It became a moment we predicted and celebrated often as we drank ourselves further into the drunken stupor required to endure this shitfest for any length of time.
One thing though that has been a bit of a curiosity piece is how many seasons were there, really? The common answer is 4, but the creators insist there are 5. I get that season 4 has 26 episodes, the last 13 of which were likely intended to be the 5th season before the show was cancelled and all remaining episodes were likely thrown together. However, over the years I’ve seen talk of Fifteen episodes I’ve never heard of from a supposed “Season 5” on random websites here and there. Episodes such as “Everybody Loves Chris”, “Getting High”, and “Brooke Doesn’t Live Here Anymore” to name a few. Are these made up by internet trolls, or do they actually exist somewhere?
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So cool to see that people are still enjoying this blog! I haven’t heard of a fifth season other than the double sized 4th, but I can certainly confirm. Let me see if I can can in touch with Robyn Ross (Brooke) and if she knows, I’ll let you know. Thanks for reading!
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Awesome! I hope she’ll reply and can shed some light for us. Thanks for checking into it and for the hilarious blog!
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