Hey, Kids!  Since we’ve arrived at the halfway point of our reunion story, I thought it might be a good time to take a breather, stretch our legs, wash our hands 50 to 100 times and take stock of where we’re at.

*Spoiler Alert*  I know Chris was a pretty consistent thorn in my teenage side, but Jesus, Curmudgeon!  A fucking shank to the throat?  So much for subtlety, eh, Wordsworth?

Also, I couldn’t help but notice that you actually managed to plagiarize my fucking personality.  At least the inevitable rash of civil cases filed against you for this creative usurpation will establish some interesting legal precedents.  Whatever gets you in the history books, I say.

And now for the silver lining of that fucker of a microorganism called COVID-19.  It hasn’t escaped my attention that the programming choices on both network and cable TV have suddenly expanded in response to half the world living as shut-ins.  It’s the least they could do, really, but still a welcome diversion.  Last night, as I was responsibly self-quarantining, I noticed that Nick At Nite aired the pilot episode of Clarissa Explains It All, circa 1991.  Clarissa and Fifteen ran concurrently on Nickelodeon, which means we’re getting closer to a long-awaited return to syndication of the Greatest TV Show Of All Time!  You know what to do, Kids.  Let’s kick that letter writing campaign into full gear: Nick At Nite, 1515 Broadway, 44th Floor, New York, NY 10036.

We’ll be back with the second half of Fifty in two shakes on a urinal cake but for now, enjoy this little ditty from The Venue’s first big performer, Vancouver’s own New Pornographers: